How Can You Have A Meaningful Life?

Today, I’m honored to host an excerpt from the new book by my friend, Frank Sonneberg, The Path to a Meaningful Life*. Frank’s books are ‘must reads” and “must gives.” You should read his blog and follow him on facebook and instagram. You’ll be glad, and better, because you did!


10 Critical Rules for Living a Happy Life

Some people spend their whole life searching for happiness. While you may think wealth, power, and fame will make you happy, you may be looking in the wrong place. In fact, all the riches in the world won’t guarantee a happy and fulfilling life. You don’t have to search the globe for happiness because it already exists within you. As Glinda, the Good Witch in The Wizard of Oz, said, “You’ve always had the power, my dear. You just had to learn it for yourself.” Here are 10 critical rules for living a happy life:

Parents give you life. Only you can give it meaning. Everyone was put on this earth for a reason…what’s yours? Find your purpose and pursue it with gusto. It’ll add bounce to your step, make your heart smile, fill your soul with pride, and be proof positive that you’re making a difference. Remember, when you do something for satisfaction rather than reward, the reward is often the satisfaction of doing it.

Your mindset matters more than you think. You are limited by your thoughts. While some of your thinking is constructive, other times it is detrimental, actively working against you. A poor choice or misjudgment is unintentional, while a poor attitude is a deliberate choice. Look at the bright side, see the good in people, challenge yourself, be grateful, believe in yourself, and have faith. Remember, ability determines if you can; attitude determines if you will.

Put your heart into your relationships. The number-one factor to help you achieve happiness is healthy relationships. But like other desirable things in life, relationships require an investment. Make your relationships a priority. Agree on the big things, put others’ needs ahead of your own, nurture trust, say what’s on your mind, meet in the middle, keep your promises, show appreciation, share and share alike, and never win at the expense of the relationship. Remember, invest in relationships to avoid the time repairing them.

Value memories rather than things. Some people assume that accumulating material wealth automatically leads to happiness, but nothing can be further from the truth. Keeping up with the Joneses places artificial demands on you that undermine your happiness. These demands force you to work harder and harder to cross a finish line that keeps moving. Remember, material possessions get old and wear out. Memories last forever. 

Treasure what’s really important. There is a tendency to cherish physical goods and undervalue things that can’t be easily measured. How much do you value trust, honor, love, dignity, and commitment? If you don’t hold these treasures in high regard, you may ignore, neglect, or take them for granted. Remember, it’s so easy to lose sight of the things you can’t see.

Be grateful and give thanks. Take inventory of the wonderful things in your life and don’t forget to give thanks. If you appreciate what you have, you’ll never want for more. Moreover, when you take people or things for granted, you put them in jeopardy. Remember, appreciate what you have, while you have it, or you’ll learn what it meant to you after you lose it.

Do what’s right rather than what’s convenient. Knowing what’s right isn’t as important as doing what’s right. Do what’s right, not out of fear of getting caught, but because integrity matters. Remember, you have to live with yourself for the rest of your life.

Reach for the stars, but remain grounded. When you believe something’s possible and you set your sights firmly on the prize, you’ve taken the first big step in making it a reality. On the other hand, when you believe you can’t, you won’t. So reach for the stars. Others can stop you for a moment. Only you can stop yourself for good. Remember, it’s amazing what you can do when you don’t know you can’t!

Make every moment matter. Live every day to the fullest rather than reliving the past or worrying about the future. The fact is, precious moments pass in the blink of an eye. And once they’re gone, they’re gone forever. Remember, life is like playing musical chairs –– you never know when the music will stop.

Do yourself proud. What does it mean to be a trusted friend, to raise good kids, to be a thoughtful neighbor or an exemplary role model? Your life will be determined by the choices that you make. You set your course, make the difficult choices, determine what you’re willing to sacrifice to achieve your goals, and act accordingly. Own your life! After all, personal responsibility can’t be delegated. Remember, if you look in the mirror and don’t like what you see, don’t blame the mirror.

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*Proceeds from the book are going to St. Judes Children’s Research Hospital, Tunnel to Towers and Samaritan’s Purseitanspurse.org/.

Frank Sonnenberg is an award-winning author and a well-known advocate for moral character, personal values, and personal responsibility. He has written nine books and has been named one of “America’s Top 100 Thought Leaders” and one of “America’s Most Influential Small Business Experts.” Frank has served on several boards and has consulted to some of the largest and most respected companies in the world. Frank’s newest book, The Path to a Meaningful Life, was released June 14, 2022.

Additionally, his blog — FrankSonnenbergOnline — has attracted millions of readers on the Internet. It was recently named one of the “Top Self-Improvement and Personal Development Blogs” in the world, and it continues to be named among the “Best 21st Century Leadership Blogs,” the “Top 100 Socially-Shared Leadership Blogs,” and the “Best Inspirational Blogs On the Planet.”

Who Are You Thankful For?

The oxymoron of time flying while standing still describes the 20+ months for so many of us. It’s a time of uncertainty and discovery: our relationships with work, co-workers, the concept of “work” and with friends, family, community, leaders, the world. During the next 6 weeks of holidays and ending 2021, which can be a very lonely time for many, show the people you’re thankful for that you are thankful ~ that they matter and that the world is better because they are.

A blessed Thanksgiving to you all.

Don't Should On Yourself!

Yayoi Kusama, I Want to Fly to the Universe (2020) at the New York Botanical Garden. Collection of the artist. Photo by Sarah Cascone.

Yayoi Kusama, I Want to Fly to the Universe (2020) at the New York Botanical Garden. Collection of the artist. Photo by Sarah Cascone.

This is co-authored by one of the first Blue Lobsters, Addie Thompson, my mentee, mentor, friend & brilliant podcaster at The Trail Ahead.

Should!! – how many times has someone said that to us? “You should start working on that report.” “You really should get in touch with them.” Worse, how many times do we tell that to ourselves‽‽ As if others don’t tell us enough, we do as well!  Should – a prescriptive word in an un-prescriptive world.

“Should” holds society’s standards and expectations up to us as an inescapable mirror, one that’s been held up to Millennials, Gen-Zs and Gen-Alphas since they were in utero!  “You should get all this on your resume.” “You should go to a good school.” “You should do everything you can to get the ‘right’ job.” And then we should on ourselves! “I should go for a run today.” “I should lose weight.” “I should do hours and hours of prep for that interview.” “I should join that group because it’s good for my career.” Says WHO?

Should is a socially acceptable way to judge others and ourselves.  Who are we to say what someone else should or shouldn’t do (as long as it’s legal)?  Addie learned the phrase “Don’t should on yourself” in college.  She follows it rigorously (and Deb is learning to). It’s become a swear word for Addie.  And Deb always says, “So where is it written that we ‘should’….?”

Edvard Munch, The Scream 1895

Edvard Munch, The Scream 1895

When we tell ourselves we should do something, who is really telling us we should? What ideal, unreasonable or inappropriate expectations are we holding ourselves to?  And why? Why are we willingly letting ourselves be trapped, hemmed in, held hostage to standards and ideals that are wearing us out and causing mental and physical health issues? “Should” implies a world of scarcity, not abundance!  If you should do this, then doing the not-should evokes a sense of closed doors, lost chances, permanent dead-ends.  Ha! We know that’s NOT so! As Phuc Tran, a writer & educator, said, “should didn’t improve my past or my future, ‘should’ simply blinded me to what was because I was so fixated on what wasn’t.”

Should holds us up to an ideal (ours, society’s, someone else’s) we may not even want to achieve, perhaps one beyond our grasp or simply one we don’t want to grasp. It’s an exhausting way to live.  You can never ‘should’ enough!  For Addie, this realization has been powerful. She spent the pandemic at home in Maine instead of in her NYC apartment, a young single woman. She kept hearing (from herself, and also indirectly from others): “I should be living on my own, not in Maine with my dad.” “I should live in a different city with more of my friends.” “I should use this time differently.” Deb, fortunately got to spend most of the pandemic in Maine (and never asks why she Should be anywhere else), but kept thinking she “should use this time to get in shape;” “should learn a new language;” “should write a book.” Again …. SAYS WHO????

Living in a should-less world is freeing and powerful. It lets us be gentler on ourselves and others; more compassionate and understanding. It gives us the permission to follow interests and curiosity outside the should-stereotype, growing in ways that make us more positive, present, optimistic, interested and interesting. In a should-less world, “Could” implies possibility; “Would” implies causality; and “Might” implies curiosity!

 So, what can we do to stop shoulding on ourselves? Erase ‘Should’ from our vocabulary! Stop saying it! To others, to ourselves.  Addie offers an alternative to someone when they say the word (including, thankfully, Deb!).  Erasing the word from our vocabulary shifts a scarcity mindset towards abundance and growth. It can decrease anxiety, relieve stress and keep us present. All with one word!! So, what are you waiting for? Don’t should on yourself!